Here’s the deal. About twenty years ago I was it the backyard with five dudes. Our wives were inside drinking wine. Pretty much on perimeter of a rug where they were comparing the attributes of all the kids they just brought into the world while hammering bottles of whatever the guy at Total Wine said was the best. So I’m in a backyard in Myer’s Park and the grass is immaculate- I mean, maybe not as green as mine- but the thickest shit I have ever seen in my entire life.
Two of the dudes there could not contain their enthusiasm about the upcoming Tarheel Basketball recruits pretty much because they had to breakup a conversation about the Georgia Dawgs opener the coming weekend.
So eventually the man juice and husband flex goes to grass and what kind of lawn care routine you are on and the mover you are reppin’.
And then somebody trumps out and we are on grills. “We have a broilmaster” and somebody plumbed a Wolf in stone. The notion that gas grills are for pussies reels the conversation back just far enough. The merits of Weber arise, I am called with a Big Green Egg to explain. I am raised by the Ace with an Argentinian wood grill and a stone pizza oven. And the Traeger will not hit for ten more years.
By all means- I love to grill and smoke meat,
It is a meme of the forty something man- thirty something for that matter.
I post the stuff I cook. Hard and unapologetically.
But honestly sometimes I don’t want to eat food that tastes like I’m some aboriginal.
Grilling is killer if you need to get outside and all the people in the house will not shut up enough to allow you an hour or two with some tunes and a six pack.
Grilling is killer if the kids are on the slip and slide and dogs are up.
Grilling is a great place to ask your future father-in-law the big ask.
But sometimes you just need to cook some grown up food.
That doesn’t taste like cowboy night.
And that you can guarantee will be prime perfect.
Without much effort.
Here is the recipe:
Secession Rib Roast
Named after our home, it’s about as easy as it gets. It will be remembered.
You can screw up and get drunk and get stuck talking to Aunt Avis and not screw it up.
If you had that same supper club over from twenty years ago- you would all drink Scotch together while your kids are out dating each other and laugh your ass off.
You would all mutually agree that you are going to cheat and get off the Mediterranean diet for the night, drink too much really good red wine and go home and make love before it gets too late.
Buy a really good piece of boneless Prime Ribeye. About two-three ribs or 5-7 inches. I really like the end that favors the eye rather than the outer “wheel”.
Trim the fat cap off the top and end. Totally trim the triangular end. Trim any deep pieces of fat.
Tie off into a cylinder.
This is maybe a “primerib” recipe. But not the one some fat man in a velour suit would eat with a cigar in his mouth while a girl in pasties is dancing in the corner.
So you have this leaner piece of prime- prime rib. Say you’ve now got this cylinder of beef. You have choices on how to proceed. My advice is no matter how- and there is not a correct answer- make sure it is about three hours from eatin’ time and you are not in a hurry. Select the best guests. For me this is not eat until you shit night. More like four golf balls of meat per person with great vegetables.
Let the meat sit on the counter until it comes to room temp. Please- please for the love of God, don’t freezer meat and deal with thawing the day you are cooking.
- Sous Vide up to 125 IYKYK
- Put on a roasting pan at 250 for about two hours
- If you must taste smoke or need to talk to your father-in-law, run on low charcoal. (Bruce)
- Put on a really low gas grill. (If you must Pierre.)
Don’t claim to have infinite wisdom- use a meat thermometer. When it hits 120, start paying attention at 125-128 get out of there. Wrap it in heavy foil.
Get a heavy cast iron skillet. Rally the troops. The same people that judged your whole life over owning a Snapper over a John Deere. Circle them up in the kitchen because you need to show them.
Run that skillet up so hot that a tablespoon of olive oil and half a stick of butter are smoking.
Throw three garlic cloves in there and a minced shallot.
When they look they are about to burn bitter pick them out.
Sear that piece of meat like a piece of leather on every side you can for a couple of minutes. Spoon that butter over it. Then set it off to rest while the other parts of the plate come to doneness. Let the meat rest. Worship it a minute or two.
Carve it like a Brazilian. Drip coarse salt on it and cracked pepper.
Keep the rest of the meal simple. Nothing wrong with good old baked tatties and a strong bowl of salad.
We love roasted vegetables including finger potatoes, turnips, parsnips, beets, and whole nice carrots (the house sig).
Bad wine is a big miss on this- you have to go big.
My lawn mower was still the best boys,
Hot damn I love everything about this. I read this laying in bed, snickering, nay- snorting, and keeping my old lady from falling asleep. Your writing style is as if Lewis Grizzard and Roy Blount Jr had a literary love child. Bravo.
Means a lot. A bit of a departure from the other writing I put on here.